A few days ago, I found a listing for a two-story live/work apartment that seemed perfect for my teahouse idea. The first floor could be used as the teahouse, while the second floor would serve as a living space. It felt like an ideal solution—one rent instead of two. My boyfriend was excited about it too, so we visited the space together.
The apartment was nice, but the retail space on the first floor felt small. I began thinking about whether it could work financially. With such limited capacity—no more than 15 guests at a time, even with some adjustments—I worried if the revenue would justify the costs. As we discussed it, my boyfriend tried to help by using ChatGPT to calculate revenue. But every time he made a suggestion, I shut it down, thinking, No, that’s not how I want it done.
My frustration grew. I felt like he didn’t understand what I was trying to explain—about capacity, reservations, and how I envisioned it working. He hadn’t been to Tea at Shiloh, so I struggled to articulate the model I had in mind. When he eventually said he’d step back and just be a supportive boyfriend, I became even more frustrated. I didn’t want silence—I wanted someone to counter my thinking and help me work through my confusion.
The situation escalated. Overwhelmed and stuck in my thoughts, I lashed out. I yelled, punched his chest, and smashed my phone on the floor. In that moment, I felt like I wasn’t being heard. He stayed calm, insisting I wasn’t in the right mindset to figure it out, which only made me angrier.
Later, after calming down, I realized how unproductive I’d been. I could have simply plugged the numbers into the spreadsheet I’d already made for calculating revenue and gotten the clarity I needed. In hindsight, my boyfriend’s calmness did help me reset, even though I didn’t see it in the moment.
Reflection
Reflecting on the incident, I recognized several things. First, my boyfriend and I were coming from different perspectives—he hadn’t done the same business planning I had, so I needed to explain my thinking better. Second, I need to stop defaulting to “no” or “but” whenever someone offers a suggestion. Instead, I should take time to listen, process, and consider before reacting.
Starting a business is overwhelming. My mind constantly races, thinking several steps ahead, and the combination of self-doubt and negativity can feel crushing. Because of so many changes in my life, I’ve been noticing deep waves of anxiety and self-doubt. But as I reflected on my life so far, I realized something important: most of the things I’ve set out to do, I’ve finished. Even when things didn’t go exactly as planned—like not going to my dream school—I still achieved significant milestones, like getting my dream title after college and working under an amazing manager, even though I didn't end up working in tech like I wanted to.
When I spoke with the owner of Lazy Bones Kava, a newly opened kava bar, I asked him what he thought was the most difficult part of building a business. His answer struck me: “My mind.” He admitted to feeling inadequate at times, thinking he didn’t have enough skills or knowledge. Hearing that made me realize how universal these struggles are. Perhaps the people who succeed are simply those who learn to manage their minds and push through the self-doubt.
What I Learned from an Influencer’s Advice
Today, I watched a video by an influencer I admire—a young, successful entrepreneur who has built multiple businesses. She answered a question about staying motivated, and her advice deeply resonated with me:
“You need positive feedback from yourself. Set small goals that you can control and accomplish them. Focus on what you can do, not on things outside your control. For example, instead of worrying about followers or fame, set a goal like making 100 posts. Complete it, and you’ll build confidence in yourself because you know you followed through on what you promised.”
Her words were golden. She explained that small wins build self-trust. When you accomplish what you set out to do, you gain confidence in your ability to achieve bigger things. But if you rely solely on external validation or wait for opportunities to come to you, you’ll never fully commit to taking risks or seizing chances.
This advice made me reflect on my mindset. I’ve been so focused on external outcomes—whether people respond, whether a collaboration materializes, or whether I secure funding. By building up these expectations of others, I’ve overlooked the importance of focusing on what is within my control.
What I Can Control
Here’s what I’ve realized I can do:
- Reach out to 10 people a week, even if not everyone responds.
- Attend four events a month to connect with others.
- Spend time journaling to organize my thoughts and emotions.
- Ensure every piece of content I post is intentional and high-quality.
- Be intentional in how I react—choosing curiosity over negativity, seeking to understand instead of demanding to be understood.
- Be honest and authentic
These are things I can control. By focusing on these small, actionable steps, I can start building momentum and confidence in myself. The feeling of accomplishment comes from within, not from external validation.
Moving Forward
I know there will be more overwhelming moments, and self-doubt will creep in—even though I didn’t expect it to happen so soon. But I’m learning to embrace the process—messy emotions, failures, and all. This journey isn’t just about building a teahouse; it’s about building a stronger, more self-assured version of me. And yes, along the way, maybe I’ll have more emotional outbursts—but I’ll also learn to grow from them.